omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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