Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
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you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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