Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize