The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize