he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
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Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I supernannyed him into submission
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