it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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