Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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