Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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