So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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