U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize