Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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