It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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