omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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