Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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