Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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