Me too!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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