Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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