I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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