I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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