Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize