Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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