there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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