I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize