don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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