Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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