i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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