I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize