he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
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Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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