based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize