Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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