false alarm. still invincible.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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