Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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