i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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