The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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