My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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