Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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