I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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