I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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