what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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