i would punch a child for taco bell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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