Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize