i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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