If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize