Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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