You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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