Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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