how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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