he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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