I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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