apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize